Family lawyer Gabriella Pomare, drawing on more than a decade of experience in family law, highlights a growing phenomenon she describes as a “silent divorce” or “quiet quitting” within relationships.This occurs when couples continue living together but become emotionally disconnected, often coexisting without meaningful communication or intimacy.

She explains that many partners only realise they are already separated emotionally when practical constraints such as children, finances, or housing costs delay formal separation.

A key issue she identifies is the imbalance of the mental load and domestic responsibilities, which frequently falls disproportionately on one partner, often mothers.

This unequal division of labour—covering childcare, cooking, cleaning, and emotional management—can gradually erode connection and contribute significantly to relationship breakdown.

Pomare notes that while many couples remain together “for the kids”, children can be negatively affected by growing up in households lacking visible affection and healthy relational models.Another important insight is the asymmetry in awareness when relationships end.One partner is often shocked by separation, believing things were stable, while the other has been emotionally detaching for years.

This mismatch can intensify conflict during divorce proceedings, with one party struggling with grief and delay, while the other seeks swift resolution.Pomare also emphasises that a lack of conflict can be a warning sign in itself.Contrary to the belief that arguing is purely negative, she suggests that conflict can indicate ongoing emotional investment.When couples stop arguing entirely, it may reflect disengagement and indifference rather than harmony.

To strengthen relationships, she recommends intentional communication, such as daily check-ins, discussing emotional wellbeing, and scheduling time together without distractions.She also advises couples to discuss values, expectations, and lifestyle compatibility early on to avoid long-term mismatch.Ultimately, she argues that many separations stem not from dramatic events, but from gradual emotional disconnection and unaddressed imbalance.