In this memoir excerpt, bestselling novelist Jane Green describes the collapse of what she once believed was her “perfect” family life, revealing it to have been emotionally and practically unsustainable.

After leaving her marriage, she relocates to Marrakech, where she rents a riad in an attempt to rebuild her creativity and personal identity following a period of depression and emotional exhaustion.She reflects on the pressures of being a blended-family breadwinner and the gap between her public image and private reality.As she begins to rebuild her life, Green explores dating again, including meeting a younger man, Hugo, through a dating app.

Their intense physical attraction leads to a brief encounter in Lisbon, which she later reflects on as emotionally confusing and ultimately unsatisfying, marked by a lack of genuine connection and emotional reciprocity.She also describes feeling disoriented by modern dating dynamics and her own vulnerability.

Alongside this heterosexual relationship, she recounts experiences at a women-focused festival in Greece, where she begins to explore same-sex attraction more openly.

She forms brief romantic and sexual connections with women, including a short-lived relationship in Amsterdam, which helps her understand her emotional patterns and desires more clearly.By the end of her reflections, Green concludes that her sexuality may not fit neatly into fixed labels.She comes to accept a more fluid understanding of attraction, recognising that she can be drawn to both men and women.

She frames this period as one of emotional turbulence but also personal insight, ultimately emphasising self-acceptance and the complexity of identity in midlife.